When an elderly relative or friend refuses a hip replacement, it can be both worrying and frustrating for families.
You want them to be free from pain and able to enjoy life again — but they may be afraid of the operation, the recovery or the risks.
Here’s 8 tips on how to approach the situation with empathy, understanding and practical support.
1. Start with Listening, Not Persuading
It Is natural to want to convince them straight away, but the first step is to listen. Ask gentle questions like:
- “What worries you most about the surgery?”
- “What have the doctors said so far?”
- “What are you hoping will happen if we wait?”
Understanding their reasons — whether fear of pain, hospital stays or loss of independence — helps you know what to address.
2. Make Sure They Have All the Facts
Many have misconceptions based on stories from years ago. Modern hip replacements are highly successful and anaesthetic techniques have improved dramatically.
Encourage your relative or friend to:
- Have a follow-up consultation with their orthopaedic surgeon (you can attend to take notes).
- Ask about success rates, recovery timelines and rehabilitation support.
- Request written materials or videos showing real-world recovery stories.
Seeing positive examples often eases anxiety.
3. Explore Short-Term Alternatives
If they are not ready for surgery, some non-surgical options may help manage pain in the meantime:
- Physiotherapy to strengthen supporting muscles
- Pain-relief injections or anti-inflammatory medication
- Walking aids and home adaptations (grab rails, raised chairs)
These won’t repair a damaged joint, but they can make life safer and more comfortable while they consider their options.
4. Respect Their Autonomy — and Acknowledge Their Fears
It is important to respect their right to decide. Sometimes, feeling heard can make them more open to reconsidering later.
You could say:
“I understand this feels overwhelming. I just want to make sure you are not living with pain that could be relieved — but it’s your decision.”
Empathy, not pressure, usually helps the most.
5. Revisit the Conversation Over Time
A refusal today doesn’t always mean “never”. As pain and mobility worsen, your relative or friend might start to see surgery differently.
Keep communication open by gently revisiting the topic every few months — especially if their quality of life is declining.
6. Involve the Right Professionals
Sometimes a trusted doctor can explain things more clearly and reassure them about what to expect.
- Ask their GP or orthopaedic consultant for a joint review.
- Consider a geriatric specialist to assess overall fitness for surgery.
- Arrange a pre-operative assessment to get factual information about risks and recovery.
Hearing from a professional, rather than a family member, often carries more weight.
7. Recognise When Surgery Becomes the Best Option
If your relative or friend is in constant pain, struggling to walk or becoming isolated because of their hip, surgery may offer the best chance to restore comfort and independence.
Modern joint replacements are safe and highly effective — even in patients in their 70s and 80s — when carefully planned by an experienced orthopaedic team.
8. Don’t Forget to Look After Yourself
Caring for a relative or friend in pain is emotionally exhausting. Try to share the load with other family members or talk to friends, carers or support groups. You will be better placed to help them make the right decision when you are supported too.
Get A Personalised Approach in Plymouth
Mr David Stitson (MBBS, FRCS(Tr & Orth), RAF(Rtd)) is a Consultant Orthopaedic Surgeon with full practising privileges at the Nuffield Health Plymouth Hospital. He specialises in hip and knee replacement surgery, combining military precision with a patient-focused approach to help individuals of all ages regain mobility and independence.
Get Private Orthopaedic Surgery in Plymouth in just 4-6 weeks
⇒ Consultation in 7 days or less
⇒ Consultation to surgery, 4-6 weeks
About Mr Stitson
David Stitson is a Plymouth-based Consultant Trauma and Orthopaedic Surgeon. Trained both in the UK and internationally, he has worked in medicine for more than 20 years for the NHS, for the Royal Air Force and in private practice. Mr Stitson operates privately at the Nuffield Health Hospital, Plymouth.
Take the Next Step with Mr Stitson in Plymouth
Living with constant knee pain is not something you have to accept as part of ageing. Many people in their late 60s and 70s find that a private knee replacement restores their mobility and transforms their quality of life.
📞 To discuss your symptoms and explore whether knee replacement surgery is the right option for you, contact Mr David Stitson, Consultant Orthopaedic Surgeon, at the Nuffield Hospital, Plymouth.
- Call: 01752 761818
- Visit: www.orthopaedicsplymouth.co.uk
- Email: enquiries@orthopaedicsplymouth.co.uk
